In my first #MWBrideJourney post, I euphorically exclaimed that I’ve – and I quote – “enjoyed every part of the wedding planning process so far.”
Well, dear readers, I hate to admit it, but that was a lie.
At the time, some of the loose strings had started coming together and exciting developments were taking place, which had made me feel all kinds of invincible. Floating around on Cloud 9 sure does make it easy to forget the more mundane, trying and frustrating times.
Two weeks later, my feet are firmly back on the ground and I humbly admit that wedding planning certainly isn’t all champagne bridesmaid breakfasts, dreaming up dresses and fun venue hunting with family. It’s also boring (not to mention, expensive) paperwork, tough decisions and a minefield of possible conflicts.
So, in the spirit of transparency and authenticity, I thought I’d share a few of the biggest challenges I’ve* had to deal with so far.
Balancing wedding planning with life
If my fairy godmother were to appear today and grant me just one wedding-related wish, it would be for two months’ paid leave to focus on planning.
LOL! LOL! LOL!
Unfortunately, reality dictates that the full-time occupation of wedding planning must happen alongside an actual job, life and social commitments.
This month has been particularly challenging, as I’ve hit 2020 running with a range of exciting work projects, a brand-new yoga teaching side hustle and all sorts of personal goals and commitments.
Apart from this, I’ve also spent the last two weeks vacating the Sea Point flat I’ve been living in for eight years (the story of how one woman accumulated SO MUCH STUFF in such a small space) and slowly, but surely moving into the new home Guillaume and I will be sharing.
The thing is, it’s all good and exciting stuff. The kind of stuff I’ve always dreamed for my life.
It’s also just… a lot. A lot happening at once.
Making difficult decisions
When it comes down to it, getting married is really all about making decisions. First, you decide that, yes, you would like to spend the rest of your life with this person. And then it just snowballs from there…
- Will you change your surname? (It’s been an emotional struggle for me, but I’ve decided to do it)
- Where and when will the wedding be taking place?
- Who will officiate?
- What kind of reception will you host?
- Should you go with a rich Autumn colour pallet or something soft and feminine?
- How many bridesmaids and groomsmen should you have?
- Whom do you invite? And whom not?
For someone who hardly manages to place a breakfast order without uh-ming and ah-ing, planning a wedding sure does come with a buttload of decision fatigue. And don’t forget that extra helping of social anxiety on the side.
There’s the constant worry – at the back of your mind – over whether you’ve left someone out who should’ve been in. Whether the bridesmaids really are okay with the colour and style of dress they’re going to wear. Whether the time of day you’ve chosen for everyone doesn’t interfere with kids’ nap time or older family members’ choice to drive back home after the reception. Whether people will be okay with the unconventional seating arrangements you have planned. With the general unconventionality of it all.
Which brings me to the next point…
Managing relationships & communicating clearly
The most challenging thing, by far, about planning a wedding is resisting the urge to get so totally absorbed in your own mission that you lose touch with reality. And, by extension, those around you.
I must admit that I teeter on the very edge of this all the time. Lately, I’ve found myself so submerged in my own plans and ideas about the ‘big day’ that I completely forget to include others in the process. Which leads to a great deal of mutual irritation. And even the odd blow-up.
Interestingly enough, in preparation for our marriage, Guillaume and I have been doing an Enneagram course to understand ourselves and each other better. Turns out I’m probably a type 5, which is characterised by a tendency to live more in our heads than the real world. We also aren’t always very good at articulating our complex thoughts. So, guess that all makes sense!
So, basically, as we get closer to the wedding date, I’m keeping this in mind and making a concerted effort to communicate more clearly (probably still not satisfactorily for most people). And, quite honestly, it can be exhausting.
Sticking to our vision
Even though I never spent much time thinking/dreaming about my wedding growing up, I had no problem envisioning the exact type of celebration that would capture my and Guillaume’s relationship and outlook on life. This has been very important to both of us – that in every aspect of the wedding, we’d be remaining true to ourselves.
From the start, there was no question about the fact that it would be a relaxed day-wedding in a natural setting. Also, that we’d prefer a picnic-style reception to anything formal.
Seems pretty straight-forward and easy to stick to, right?
Well, not so much. I often find myself heading onto a tangent that either presents logistical nightmares or just strays right off the path of the vision we’ve created. This often comes as a result of late-night Pinterest scrolling or looking at other people’s wedding photos.
Fortunately, Guillaume is a lot more focused and firmly directs me back to the right tracks again.
All the admin
If I knew just how much admin was involved in getting married, I would probably never have signed up. Plus, most of it comes with quite the price tag!
Here’s a list of things we’ve needed to gather just for our ceremony:
- Our antenuptial agreement
- A letter from the lawyers that we have an antenuptial agreement
- An application form for ‘dominee’ who will be marrying us
- Certified copies of our IDs
- Certified copies of the IDs of our witnesses
- 3x ID photos
And then, of course, there are the spreadsheets, the quotes, the deposits, the receipts and returns etc. etc. etc.
So, there you have it. Wedding planning isn’t always fun. We’re super duper lucky, though, to have parents, wedding parties, family and friends who are enthusiastically and lovingly supporting us and checking in on our wellbeing ever so often. Just thinking about all of their kindness and interest actually brings tears to my eyes.
So, sure, there are tough moments, but we haven’t had to go it alone.
*Please note: I say “I’ve” here, not because I’m planning this wedding alone – Guillaume has been working hard alongside me, and so have our families, bridesmaids and groomsmen – but rather because it’s a truly personal reflection.